Mark Gilston

IT WOULD SURE BE A MIRACLE - LYRICS

LATHER AND SHAVE traditional

LADY GAY traditional

TOM'S GONE TO HILO traditional

PRETTY POLLY traditional English

PRSTEN MI PADNA traditional Macedonian

SNOSHTI SI RADA traditional Bulgarian

DEVIL BUCK traditional

MRS FOGHARTY'S CAKE traditional Canadian (Irish)

As I sat in my window last evening,
The letterman brought unto me
A little gilt-edged invitation

"Gilhooley come over to tea"
I knew that Mrs. Fogarty sent it.
So I went just for old friendships sake.
And the first thing they gave me to tackle
Was a slice of Mrs. Fogarty's cake.

chorus:   There were plums and prunes and cherries,
              And citrons and raisins and cinnamon, too
              There was nutmeg, cloves and berries
              And the crust, it was nailed on with glue
              There was carvaseed in abundance.          (Irish for caraway)
              It would work up a fine stomach ache.
              It would kill a man twice just by eating a slice
              Of Mrs. Fogarty's Christmas cake.

Miss Mulligan wanted to try some,
But surely it wasn't no use.
We worked in it over an hour,
But we couldn't get none of it loose.
So Murphy, he went for the hatchet,
And Flannigan went for the saw;
But all they succeeded in breaking
Was the hatchet and Flannigan’s jaw.

Miss Fogarty proud as a paycock,
Kept smiling and blinking away
Till she flipped over Flanagan’s brogans
And spilt the homebrew in her tay
“Gilhooley,” she cries, “You're not eating,
Try a little bit more for my sake.”
”No thanks, Mrs. Fogarty, “says I,
”But I’d like the recipe for your cake.”

Maloney came down with the colic,
And Murphy complained of his head.
McFadden lay down on the sofa,
And he swore that he wished he was dead.
Miss Daley fell down in hysterics,
And there she did wriggle and shake.
And every man swore he’d been poisoned
From eating Mrs. Fogarty's cake.

*Throughout the song, Mrs. is elided as “miss” excepting in the quote, ”No thanks, Mrs. Fogarty, “says I,

BOW DOWN traditional

A is for action which makes the stocks move;

And B is for bonds which our fathers approve.

C is for cash, a position we spurn;

And D are the dividends we'll never earn.

Chorus:

Warily. Scarily. So nervous are we.

Us day-traders live on vol-a-til-i-ty.

Buying and selling: Go short or go long.

Give a trader his Maalox, there's nothing goes wrong.

E is for earnings; make stocks rise and fall;

And F is for futures, the put and the call.

G stands for Greenspan, still head of the board.

And H is that hot tip I wish I'd ignored.

I is inflation which spooks the bond guys.

And J stands for junk bonds, which we all despise.

K is for Kernon, Joe give us a tout!

And L is the leverage, which gives us more clout.

M stands for margin call, our greatest fear;

And N is for NASDAQ, the high techs rule here.

O stands for options: more risk in your trade;

And P's penny stocks where small fortunes are made.

Q are the quotes which we constantly view.

And R is Rukeyser, our Wall Street guru.

S is for Sqawk Box, which starts every day,

Where the talking heads tell us the tips we must play.

U stands for up-tick, required to short;

And V is for value: through bargains we sort.

W is Wall Street, our home on the range,

Where we make executions down at the exchange.

Y is for Yahoo where we tout all our picks,

From Alcoa to Zoran, we watch all the ticks.

Z was for Woolworth's, which never made sense

So they changed it to Venator: Those guys must be dense.

Final chorus:

Warily, Scarily, So nervous are we.

Us day-traders live on vol-a-til-i-ty.

Now my alphabet's over and I've finished my song.

It would sure be a miracle if nothing goes wrong.